


Effective

by gonnaflynow



Series: Eruri Week 2014 [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Eruri Week, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 16:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3073832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonnaflynow/pseuds/gonnaflynow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pain is the best way to teach discipline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Effective

**Author's Note:**

> Eruri Week Day One – Past/Memories
> 
> Inspired by [this tumblr post](http://attacking-those-pesky-kyojins.tumblr.com/post/104781051473/can-anyone-direct-me-to-a-fic-that-explores). I've been sitting on this idea for a while.

"Levi, what in the world was that?!"

"What was what?" Levi sauntered into Erwin's office, closing the door with a bump of his hip. "Everything went according to plan. Your plan, I might add. So what, exactly, is the 'that' you're referring to?"

Erwin sat heavily on the worn couch, carding a hand through his hair and mussing it out of place as the last of his calm flew out the window.

"'When it comes to teaching somebody discipline, I believe pain is the most effective way.'"

Levi snorted.

"Well. I do. I meant what I said."

Erwin’s calloused fingers pinched at the bridge of his nose, eyebrows furrowing in frustration as he tried to turn his anger and confusion into coherent words.

"Where did that come from?"

"What do you mean where did it come from?"

"I mean I've never seen you try to enforce that belief. Nor was it a scripted part of today’s plan."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"Then maybe it's time to start talking." Erwin stood from the couch, tired of inaction, and crossed the room in three large strides. He stood in front of Levi, who sat on his desk with arms and legs crossed and a carefully indifferent set to his features. "I know you, Levi, or thought I did. At the very least I know your style. Not once have I seen you use pain as a tool of discipline. You can be blunt, to be sure, but you’re not a cruel man. Even when we first met, I never got the impression that you used violence, if you could help it. So now, help me. I’m stuck. You didn't get this notion from me or your time in the Legion, so tell me, who was the source?"

Levi turned his head to the side, an angry flush sweeping up the side of his neck.

"There are some things you don't need to know, Erwin."

"There are some things I'd like to know, Levi," Erwin said softly. 

Levi's head whipped back around, a sneer gracing his face as he locked eyes with Erwin. "Is that an order?"

"I'd rather it not be."

"If it's not an order then I'm under no obligation to tell you."

"Levi, please," Erwin pleaded, "be reasonable."

"Don't test me," Levi growled. "And after I put on your little fucking show today, too. Don't fucking do this, Erwin."

"If it's information that's really so close to your heart, I won't push you," Erwin said quietly, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "If you tell me later, or never tell me at all, I'll just have to accept your choice."

Erwin could hear the grinding of Levi's teeth in the silence that followed. 

"Fuck you," he spat. "You and your shitty guilt-tripping can walk right out the door of your own damn office for all I care."

"Levi? I gave you a choice."

"Some choice."

"And I take it you're saying no?"

A pregnant pause hung in the air as Levi curled in on himself.

"...Kenny."

Erwin shook his head, as if he hadn't heard. Levi sighed thinly, the sound coming out in a rattle as he set his shoulders for what was sure to be a long explanation. 

"Have you heard of Kenny the Ripper?"

Erwin looked aghast. "I, well, of course I have, he's the most famous serial killer in the history of the walls... but what is his relation to this...?"

"He trained me," Levi said bluntly. “I lived with him practically my whole childhood. You don’t pick up the kind of skills I have just anywhere.” He turned his gaze down to his hands, spreading his fingers and then clenching them in revulsion. 

The only indicator of Erwin’s shock was a slight squint to his eyes. “Levi, you’re a very skilled man, could you elaborate on what—”

“Do you really know what it’s like to live in the Underground, Erwin?” Levi hissed. “I’m sure Sina trash like you would never be aware of how things work down there.”

“You’re exactly right, Levi, I’ve only been there in passing. Could you tell me what kind of—”

“I was going to if you didn’t fucking cut me off,” Levi seethed, letting a few tense moments of silence pass before he resumed his story. “Being born in the Underground is like a death sentence before you even start living. You think it’s bad when there are famines on the surface? Every day is worse than a famine where I come from. You have to figure out how to sneak and steal and kill if you want to _survive_. If you even get to the age where you can learn. We don’t get sun down there, and you know what happens when you don’t get sun, Erwin? Your bones start to bend. There were kids I saw that never walked, their whole short fucking _tragic_ lives, because their legs were so deformed they couldn’t even support their own weight. Some tried, and their bones cracked just trying to take a step.”

Erwin swallowed, trying to keep himself in check. Levi continued, heedless of his increasing discomfort.

“If by some fuckin’ miracle from above you made it to adulthood,” he laughed dryly, “well, there’s little doubt you had to commit some crimes to get there. Food, clothes, everything is in short supply. You do what you can to survive. You have to ask yourself what’s worse: living, and being constantly tailed by those incompetent unicorn _fucks_ , or dying in some gutter or alley because you tried to have _morals_.”

Levi paused, glaring at Erwin from under thick, dark lashes. “You look like you have a question.”

Erwin nearly flinched at being addressed directly. “I, erm, yes, just… just give me a minute, I can’t seem to wrap my head around… oh Levi, I can’t even imagine how it was for you…”

“Save the pity party and ask your fucking question,” Levi frowned. Erwin’s mouth went dry.

“Well. I don’t mean to interrupt your story, but I’m not quite sure how it ties into your history with… with Kenny,” he said slowly.

“Okay, Erwin, back up,” Levi said tersely. “Remember what I told you about survival? Remember what I said about all those dead kids? If you’re lucky enough to walk, the first thing you do is go out and find food. You _steal_ food, because no one’s going to give it to you even if you’re a sniveling brat. But fuck up once and you’re dead, doesn’t matter how old you are.”

“So you didn’t mess up.”

“Clearly. And who do you think taught me how to not fuck it up? Because I sure as shit didn’t learn through _osmosis_.”

“...Kenny.”

“Good to know I haven’t completely lost you,” Levi grunted.

“When did you meet him?” asked Erwin.

“More like ‘when did he pick me up.’” Levi looked up at Erwin with a frown, waiting for him to ask again.

“...when did he pick you up?”

“I was seven. He caught me in an alleyway with two loaves of bread stuffed under my shirt and no one on my tail. Rare, he said, for a brat my age not to get caught red-handed. Guts. I like that. I like you, kid. Where in this shitter do you live? I tried to kick him in the face and run for it, but all he did was laugh. He didn’t move. Didn’t even bother to chase me down. I hightailed it out of there before he decided to change his mind, and what do I wake up to the next morning but his wrinkled fucking face next to mine, hands coated in blood and moving to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t scream.”

“How did he find you?”

“Fuck knows,” Levi spat venomously. “Maybe he followed me after all. Maybe it was dumb luck.”

“And… and the blood. Was it from—”

“A kill, Erwin. He said he killed the MP by the bakery I stole from so I wouldn’t have to work as hard next time.”

Erwin visibly blanched at the admittance. “But if you knew he was a serial killer, why did you go with him?!” he blurted. “For all you know, he might have just taken you back to his place and killed you, too, or worse!”

“Do you think I had a choice?” Levi snarled, gripping the edge of the desk to keep the last thread on his composure from snapping outright. “He could have killed me then and there if I didn’t do as he said. There were a couple times where he almost _did_ , where I fucked something up while I was living with him. He was bigger then me, he was older than me, and he was covered in someone else’s fucking _blood_. Don’t you try and tell me that a starving seven year-old would fight someone like that. Don’t you _fucking dare_.”

“Levi, I get it, I see your point, but certainly you could have tried to escape once he took you in, or—”

“Escape?” Levi hopped off the desk, crowding Erwin’s personal space. “ _Escape?_ As much of a fucked-up lunatic as you and everyone else thought he was, that guy was my best shot at survival. Before Kenny, I had _no one_. My mother died before I can really remember. My shitbag father was never in the picture in the first place. I ran with a pack of brats after she bit it, but one by one, they got picked off, either by disease or starvation or just not being fucking careful enough.” Levi stared straight into Erwin’s searching eyes. “Tell me, Erwin, how long do you think a _child_ can survive on their own, with no sunlight, or food, nothing but their own fucking reflexes and luck to keep them alive? _Tell me_.”

“Not very long,” Erwin said quietly, breaking eye contact as he looked away in shame.

“That’s an overstatement. That’s a fucking overstatement. Not only did Kenny give me a place to live, he gave me food, he gave me _advice_. Do you think I would be adored by all these imbeciles who live in the walls, _revered_ as ‘Humanity’s Strongest’, if not for the things he taught me? I wouldn’t be adored, I would be dead. And so would hundreds more of your soldiers.”

“Levi, stop—”

“NO! _No_ , Erwin. I’m not going to stop. It’s making you uncomfortable because it’s the truth. If you hadn’t picked up me and my friends – my _real fucking friends_ – when you did, fuck, you might not even be Commander now. You might be dead. _Your_ friends might be dead. Kenny equipped me with all the skills I need to survive, doesn’t matter where I go. It’s a convenient stroke of luck for _you_ that I’m here saving everyone’s asses all the time from getting kicked, crushed, ripped apart, _devoured_ by the endless number of inhuman masses lumbering around. Stop and think about it. Just think.”

They both were silent for several minutes, Erwin standing very still as Levi’s breathing finally slowed to a normal rate.

“...you said he almost killed you,” Erwin said weakly, “while you were working with him?”

“Yeah,” Levi breathed. “A couple of times. He asked me to get food; I didn’t get enough. He asked me to get rid of the MP patrolling a route close to his next target; they changed their route, and I had bruises on my neck from his disgusting hands for two weeks when I tried to explain there was no point in disposing of them if they didn’t pose a threat.”

“He choked you?”

“Choked, whipped, kicked. Nicked my face a time or two, starved me out for a week. It forced me into shape real fuckin’ fast. One time he purposely led me into a trap, that bastard knew the MP would be at a drop site and didn’t see fit to tip me off. I barely made it out of that alive, and what did he do when I got home? He laughed. He _laughed_.”

Erwin coughed to break the moment. “Did he ever…”

The silence that stretched between them was endless. “No, Erwin, he never went that far.”

A heavy hand fell on Levi’s shoulder, a shuddering sigh escaping from Erwin’s mouth. “Good.”

“It was rough,” Levi conceded, “but it was better than being dead.”

The next thing Levi knew, he was being crushed to Erwin’s chest, both of his strong arms wrapped tightly around him.

“You’re safe,” Erwin murmured, “you’re safe here. Nothing and no one is going to touch you ever again as long as I’m around.”

Levi could feel the anger getting sucked out of him, replaced with something he couldn't name. His chest felt heavy.

“Erwin…” 

“I’ll keep you safe,” Erwin muttered, a mantra. “I’ll keep you safe, Levi.”

Slowly, Levi brought his arms up to wrap around Erwin’s back, burying his head in Erwin’s warm chest to will away the unwanted sting in his eyes.

“You fucking idiot.”

Erwin squeezed tighter. “I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Eruri week marks my one year anniversary of writing for SNK yeeaaahhhhh! Other works for this week and last year's eruri week can be found on ao3 and at das tumblr. Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos massively appreciated.


End file.
